MHATEVER LIFE MAY BRING YOU.

Let’s test this. The Level 1 fears translate to: I can’t handle illness.

I can’t handle making a mistake.

I can’t handle losing my job.

I can’t handle getting old.

I can’t handle being alone.

I can’t handle making a fool out of myself.

I can’t handle not getting the job.

I can’t handle losing him/her.

I can’t handle losing my money . . . etc.

The Level 2 fears translate to: I can’t handle the responsibilities of success.

I can’t handle failure.

I can’t handle being rejected . . . etc.

Thus Level 3—simply, “I can’t handle it!”

The truth is:

IF YOU KNEM YOU COULD HANDLE ANYTHING

THAT CAME YOUR MAY,

MHAT MOULD YOU POSSIBLY HAVE TO FEAR?

The answer is: NOTHING!

I know you are probably not jumping up and down for joy just yet, but believe me when I tell you that I have just given you a great piece of news.

What I have just told you means you can handle all your fears without having to control anything in the outside world. This should be a tremendous relief. You no longer have to control what your mate does, what your friends do, what your children do, or what your boss does. You don’t have to control what happens at an interview, what happens at your job, what happens in your new career, what happens to your money, or what happens in the stock market.

ALL YOU HAVE TO DO TO DIMINISH YOUR FEAR IS TO

DEVELOP MORE TRUST IN YOUR ABILITY TO HANDLE

MHATEVER COMES YOUR MAY!

I am belaboring the point because it is so critical. From this moment on, every time you feel afraid, remind yourself that it is simply because you are not feeling good enough about yourself. Then proceed to use one or more of the tools in this book to help build yourself up. You have your task clearly mapped out for you. There is no reason for confusion.

I’ve often been asked to explain why we have so little trust in ourselves.

I don’t really know the answer to that. I know that some fear is instinctual and healthy, and keeps us alert to trouble. The rest—the part that holds us

back from personal growth—is inappropriate and destructive, and perhaps can be blamed on our conditioning.

In all my life I have never heard a mother call out to her child as he or she goes off to school, “Take a lot of risks today, darling.” She is more likely to convey to her child, “Be careful, darling.” This “Be careful”

carries with it a double message: “The world is really dangerous out there” .

. . and . . . ”you won’t be able to handle it.” What Mom is really saying, of course, is, “If something happens to you, I won’t be able to handle it.” You see, she is only passing on her lack of trust in her ability to handle what comes her way.

I can remember wanting desperately to have a two-wheel bicycle and my mother’s refusal to buy me one. Her answer to my pleas was always the same: “I love you too much. I don’t want anything to happen to you.” I translated this to mean: “You are not competent enough to handle a two-wheel bike.” Having become older and wiser, I realize now that she was really saying: “If anything happens to you, I will fall apart.”

This overprotective mother of mine was once in intensive care after serious surgery, with tubes down her nose and her throat. When I was told it was time for me to leave, I whispered in her ear—not knowing if she could hear me—that I loved her and would be back later. As I was walking toward the door, I heard a small, weak voice behind me saying—you guessed it—

“Be careful.” Even in her anesthetic stupor, she was sending me admonitions of doom and gloom. And I know she typifies the great percentage of mothers out there. Considering how many “be carefuls” our parents bombarded us with, it is amazing that we even manage to walk out the front door!

Apart from such seemingly obvious connections, the cause of our fear quite possibly lies elsewhere. But does it really matter where our self-doubts come from? I believe not. It is not my approach to analyze the whys and wherefores of troublesome areas of the mind. It is often impossible to figure out what the actual causes of negative patterns are, and even if we did know, the knowing doesn’t necessarily change them. I believe that if something is troubling you, simply start from where you are and take the action necessary to change it.

In this case, you know that you don’t like the fact that lack of trust in yourself is stopping you from getting what you want out of life. Knowing this creates a very clear, even laserlike, focus on what needs to be changed.

You don’t have to scatter your energy wondering why. It doesn’t matter.

What matters is that you begin now to develop your trust in yourself, until you reach the point where you will be able to say: MHATEVER HAPPENS TO ME, GIVEN ANY SITUATION, I CAN HANDLE IT!

I can hear the doubting Thomases out there saying, “Oh, come on now, how do you handle paralysis, or the death of a child, or cancer?” I understand your skepticism. Remember that I was once a doubting Thomas myself. Just read on and let the book unfold. Give yourself a winning chance by using the tools provided throughout this book. As you do, you will find yourself coming closer and closer to such a high level of self-confidence that you will ultimately begin to realize that you can handle anything that comes your way. Never let these three little words out of your mind—possibly the three most important little words you’ll ever hear: I’LL HANDLE IT

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J anet’s still waiting for the fear to go away. She had always planned to return to college once her children were in school, but she now notices it’s been four years since her youngest child entered first grade. New excuses have popped up since that time: “I want to be here when the children come home from school”; “We really don’t have the money”; “My husband will feel neglected.”

Although it is true that certain logistics would have to be worked out, that is not the reason for her hesitation. In fact, her husband is willing to help her in any way he can. He is concerned about her restlessness, and often encourages her to fulfill her lifelong dream of becoming a fashion designer.

Each time Janet thinks about calling the local college to set up an interview, something stops her. “When I’m not so frightened, then I’ll make the call”; “When I feel a little better about myself, then I’ll make the call.”

Most likely Janet is going to wait a very long time.

The problem is that her thinking is all mixed up. The logic she uses automatically programs her for failure. She will never break the fear barrier until she is made aware of her faulty thinking; she simply does not “see”

what is obvious to those who are out there doing it.

Nor did I until I was forced to. Before my divorce from my first husband, I was rather like a child, allowing him to take over the practicalities of my life. After my divorce, I had no choice but to start doing things on my own. Small things, such as fixing the vacuum cleaner all by myself, brought me enormous satisfaction. The first night I invited people to my home for dinner as a single person was a monumental leap. The day I booked tickets for my first trip without a man was a day for celebration.

As I began to do things on my own, I began to taste the deliciousness of an emerging self-confidence. It wasn’t all comfortable—in fact, a lot of it was extremely uncomfortable. I felt like a child learning to walk and falling frequently. But with each step I felt a little surer of my ability to handle my life.

As my confidence grew, I kept waiting for the fear to go away. Yet each time I ventured out into a new territory, I felt frightened and unsure of myself. “Well,” I told myself, “just keep putting yourself out there.

Eventually the fear will go away.” It never did! One day a lightbulb went on in my head as I suddenly realized the following “truth”: TRUTH 1

THE FEAR MILL NEVER GO AMAY

AS LONG AS I CONTINUE TO GROM.

As long as I continued to push out into the world, as long as I continued to stretch my capabilities, as long as I continued to take new risks in making my dreams come true, I was going to experience fear. What a revelation!

Like Janet, and so many of you reading this book, I had grown up waiting for the fear to go away before I took any chances. “When I am no longer afraid . . . then!” For most of my life, I had played the WHEN/THEN game.

And it never worked.

Once again you are probably not jumping up and down with joy. I am aware that this revelation is not exactly one you wanted to hear. If you are like my students, you were hoping that my words of wisdom would miraculously make your fears go away. I’m sorry to say that it doesn’t work that way. On the other hand, rather than think of it as a disappointment, consider it a relief that you no longer have to work so hard on getting rid of the fear. It isn’t going to go away! Not to worry. As you build your confidence in yourself with the exercises suggested herein, your relationship with fear will dramatically alter.

Not long after discovering Truth 1, I made another important discovery that contributed enormously to my growth: