him with me, but I didn’t have a clue where I was even going, let alone if Td be able to take care of him properly. A single tear slipped down my cheek then and now, while I watched snow turn to mud through the car window. I wiped it away knowing if I let the tears fall, they’d never stop. Ronan was unnaturally quiet, running a thumb across his bottom lip and watching the scenery pass by. I wondered if he cared he was devastating my life by murdering my father. My papa’s actions may be unconscionable— and unforgivable—but Ronan wasn’t his judge and jury. I wondered if Ronan cared at all that this would be the last time he’d ever see me. By his indifference, I couldn’t believe I was even in his thoughts. Maybe I was just a fleeting amusement that had already passed. So many insecurities and fears wreaked havoc on my mind. Nothing made sense in this state—with my chest squeezed tight in terror of what would happen when this car came to a standstill. To find some relief from my thoughts, I asked, “Is my papa still married?” “Da.” “What’s she like?” “As far as I can remember, she’s agoraphobic and addicted to coke,” Ronan answered without looking at me. Oh. She sounded nice. Though maybe she had some trauma from my papa’s lifestyle as well. “How many siblings do I have?” I continued. “Three brothers.” “Will they be there today?” “Adrian and Dimitri probably. Dima’s in prison.” When I imagined having a family, it never occurred to me they’d be mobsters. I guessed I should have lowered my expectations when I thought of magical family Christmases. I’d jinxed myself. Ronan traded Russian words with Albert. I only caught the smallest pieces of the conversation, but by their serious tones, it was clear they were discussing details of the trade. It should be fairly simple, I thought. Swap me for my papa. Though the more they spoke, as if they were preparing for the worst, the colder my blood grew. We took a turn off the road and into an empty plot of land occupied by a couple of worn silos. Two black cars were parked on the far side of the area,