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ღ Finding Cinderella- 42 ღ

-Kylie-

"I'm off now, girls. I'm running late already." Mom hurriedly grabbed her baguet te bag from the coffee table before kissing us on the forehead. "I posted the di ner's number on the fridge so you can call me if there's an emergency."

Lacey nodded. "Okay. Have fun at the party."

"Oh, and don't leave the door unlocked before going upstairs, okay? Bye, girls," Mom said as she made her way out.

While Lacey began searching through our DVD collections, I picked up the remote control and switched between the channels. Unfortunately, all I could see were a bunch of newscasts and sport shows that couldn't entertain me for the night.

"So! What do you like to watch?" She flipped up some DVD's and looked at them. " Hmm... here's Sydney White, The Prince and Me, Ella Enchanted... um, Beastly, or Ever After? We rarely watch those."

"All rom-com flicks?" I asked pointedly.

She puffed out, raising her eyebrows as she arranged back the DVD's. "Oops, wron g choices. Someone seems a little bitter about romances right now..." she mumble d nonchalantly.

"I heard that."

"But it's true... isn't it? I feel like there's something wrong going on. What h appened?"

I pursed my lips and diverted my gaze from her.

"I knew it! Tell me," she begged. She grabbed the remote from the table and turn ed the TV off. "Come on, I can't stand the suspense any longer!"

Having no choice, I dejectedly poured out the story.

Lacey's eyes grew wide and her jaw dropped. She was silent as if she was contemp lating what she'd just heard.

"Oh, my gosh. You're... you're not kidding me, are you?" she said at last. "I'm so sorry, that's awful."

I shrugged.

"Don't let it bother you," she said. "Maybe-there was reason behind it."

I raised an eyebrow at her skeptically.

"A valid one?" Lacey added hesitantly.

"And what do you think is the valid reason?" I couldn't stop myself from being a loof.

Lacey opened her mouth, and then shut it like she was uncertain. "He's probably just-ugh... I don't know." Biting her lip, she shook her head. "I can't answer t hat myself. Tristan's the only one who can respond to that, Kylie. Talk to him."

"I can't."

"Why?"

"I just feel that I can't. I don't even want to talk to him. Not now, at least."

"I wish you could tell him. Things would be much easier if you were brave enough to say something. Are you scared? Is that why?"

A lump started to grow in my throat. I gulped, shaking my head. "I think I shoul d go to my room now," I said quietly.

She pushed herself from the couch. "Why? Are you upset? It's because of me, righ t?" she cried. "Oh, sis. I'm really sorry for being so intrusive."

I snorted a laugh. "No, I'm not." I began to walk away from the couch, and she q uickly grabbed the hem of my shirt.

"Then why are you leaving? Wait, wait, we can watch Stars Wars or anything with guns and explosives instead of chick-flicks! You like that right?" She followed me, still gripping my shirt, as I climbed upstairs. "I swear I won't ask any mor e questions."

I tried to tug her hands off. "Lacey, let go. You're going to rip my shirt," I s aid with a sigh. "I'm just going to study, okay?"

"But it's Friday night! You can do that on Sunday. Aw, you really are upset. I'm sorry."

"I said I'm not." I forced myself to smile as I faced her.

Her grip finally softened. "Really?" she asked, surprised.

"Yeah, yeah." I stopped in my track. "Lacey?"

"Yes?"

"Don't tell Tristan, okay?"

She tried to object, but in the end, she nodded and went back downstairs. I shut the door behind me and rubbed my temples. Taking a deep breath, I went to my de sk and pulled out my textbooks, several sheets of paper, and a pen. Then I pulle d up a chair and said, "All right, Kylie. This is a good chance to do a lot of s tudying. Pull up your terrible grades if you want to be accepted into Imperial."

I began reading my notes. I should put Tristan and all the drama out of my mind and devote my time to my studies. Mr. Cross had said that I should keep up. No m ore C's or B's for me; I would get A's from now on, and Aunt Jacque and mom woul d be proud of me.

After a while, I looked up from my notes. The moment I saw a red string tied aro und the pencil holder, fresh fragments from the previous weeks surged through my mind.

"Kylie, I want to give you something," Tristan said as he sat on the bench besid e me.

"And what is that?" I asked.

"Close your eyes first."

I cocked an eyebrow. "Hmm... nope." He rolled his eyes and I laughed, saying, "F ine. Just don't try messing with me, or I'll claw your skin out."

I closed my eyes and felt him lifting up my right hand. Something soft wrapped m y wrist. When he said, "Done" I opened my eyes to see the Fate string from the b all. Oh, I almost forgot about this!

I lifted my head and gave him a curious look. "How did this get to you?"

"Take a wild guess." He winked.

I punched his shoulder lightly. "Sheesh. You can just tell me right away, mister ."

He laughed. "Lacey," he answered. "Lacey was the one who gave me that. That thin g was a clue for me, Kylie."

"Oh. She never told me that," I uttered in disbelief. A clue for him, huh? I rem embered those times when he had been going frantic about that mysterious girl-Ci nderella, what a weird name he and his friends had used-who had been just me all along. I bit my lip, laughing inwardly.

"What's funny?"

I cleared my throat. "Oh, nothing. You were saying?"

"Well, of course Lacey would never tell you. She was afraid you might hate her o nce you know she broke her promise."

I sighed. "Yeah, I really would but... it won't last long. I'd forgive her easil y because she's my sister, and I could never bear to hate her for too long." A s mile started to sneak in my lips as a memory came. "This string had started it a ll," I said distantly.

"Yeah." Tristan clasped my hand. "And that string of Fate led me to you."

Squeezing my eyes shut, I shook my head and slapped my cheeks, trying to erase t he increasing thoughts that were drifting through my mind.

Don't fall, Kylie. Don't fall for it...

A strong feeling started to drown me once again. I went out of the room and tipt oed down the kitchen to get some water. The Stars Wars film was playing on the T V, while Lacey was sleeping silently on the couch. I grabbed a blanket from her room, draped it over her, and turned the TV off. Something glowed and buzzed on the table. It was my cellphone-I'd forgotten to bring it up.

As I went back to my room, I clicked on the message I had received.

Him: Can we talk?

I took a deep breath and closed it. A few seconds later, the cellphone rang. It was him.

Should I answer it?

Before I could have a final answer to that, curiosity won, and I found myself cl icking the button and lifting the cellphone up to my ear.

"Look through your window," he said.

My brain was objecting, but something inside me was pushing me to go on. I moved the curtain aside and my breathing stopped for a second. Tristan stood at his w indow, his hand gripping his cellphone tightly to his ear. I couldn't see his fa ce clearly but I could imagine his look. He was dead serious.

"Kylie," he said with a slur. "I'm... I'm glad you picked up."

"What's wrong with your voice?" I asked hesitantly.

"What? Nothing... nothing's wrong with my voice. Why d'you say that?" He spoke r apidly. "Listen, Ky, I know I'm disturbing you right now, but please... don't ha ng up on me."

"Okay," I whispered.

We stayed there for a moment looking at each other. His breathing was loud throu gh the receiver. I suddenly got the chills creeping through my skin and a sicken ing feeling twisted in the pit of my stomach.

"You... You've been so quiet lately," he began to say. "So I feel like something is wrong, and I'd like to know what."

I didn't speak.

He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. "It's me, isn't it? Listen, I kn ow it's still hard for you to open up, but just for this time, tell me Kylie. Am I doing something wrong?"

I don't know if it's because of you or because of me... I just don't want to say anything.

"Kylie? Come on. Do you even wanna talk to me?" He said, raising his voice. "You send me short replies like you don't even bother to talk these days. You wouldn 't even bat an eye in my direction. Do I annoy you or something? Because if I do , I'll stop." He took a deep breath. "I'll stop myself trying to get you."

"Then go." My voice cracked as I said it, like there was a knot in my throat.

"W-what? Kylie-"

I walked away from the window and pressed my back against the cold wall. I didn' t want him to see me like this. I didn't want to see him like that either. "I kn ow the time will come for you to say that. And I... I respect that. If you want to find another girl, there's no reason why you shouldn't," I mumbled.

A cold laugh escaped from my lips. "It's really okay, T. I was used of being lef t behind you. I was used of looking at you from afar, wishing that one day I wou ld be able to reach you. That was me before. That was me when I was with you tha t summer. But it's fine now. You've made your choice. I know the girl you'd choo se would be prettier and not as messed up as I am. So please..." I choked. Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry... "Don't-"

"Kylie, don't say things that you don't mean!"

"Don't settle for me." I bit my lip and breathed in, holding back my tears that were threatening to fall.

There was something wrong with me, and I didn't know how to make it right. Besid es, how could I trust him, how could I let him stay with all this doubt and flaw in me?

"Why do you think that way?" His voice was shaking. "Why, Kylie?"

"Please, T. Just-just don't."

 

Because I might let you down.

He sighed in frustration. I heard something bounce and figured he must have sat on his bed. I could imagine his head bent down and his free hand covering his fa ce. Just by the thought of it, I felt like there were thousands of daggers thrus ting into my chest.

"Kylie?" He said after a moment. "I-I've been trying to ask you this for the qui te long time now. It's something I-no, we have to know, but at the same time, so mething that is hard to say. Please, answer me-" he gulped and I clutched my pho ne tight "-do you feel the same way I do?"

I closed my eyes. Not all the words I wanted to say would come out, because each time I tried, in the end they would just turn to tears.

"Silence means yes," he murmured.

"But sometimes it turns out as no." I just can't say it.

"Oh, you've got to be kidding me!"

It's all bottled up inside me. "Tristan-"

"No, no! This is all fucked up, Kylie! Are you trying to say that after all this time you're still into that-?"

"Tristan!" I nearly screamed. He paused, and I lowered my voice to a whisper. "S top. T-that's enough."

"Ah, shit," he said exasperatedly. "I didn't mean to yell at you. My head's just aching. I-I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

"You're tired, I know. Let's just stop this. It's too late already."

"No! I will stay up the whole night until I make sure you don't mean any of this ."

I opened my mouth, and although there was a part of me that was pulling back, th e words irrepressibly came out: "I do."

I turned off my phone and just like that, it was over. The whole room went quiet again.

Numb, I went back to my study table and just sat there for a moment. My chest ke pt on constricting. Am I losing my mind? Maybe I was. I had never invested real feelings and thoughts into somebody else until now.

This was how it was supposed to feel. I knew it. Falling for someone was one of the worse feelings in the entire world. It put me in the scariest, weakest posit ion I could ever be in.

I clenched my fists. "Dammit. Dammit!"

Why didn't I just hold it in? I should have just stubbornly denied it.

A loud clicking noise stopped me. I whipped around and sprang up from my seat as I saw Tristan up in the tree, trying to push the window open. It had been a lon g time since he last did that. He succeeded, and with a quick move, he jumped in to my room.

"Tristan! What are you-?"

My words abruptly ended when he dashed to me, cupped my face with his warm hands and lifted my head up without my permission. The moment his lips touched mine.. . if only I could describe it.

He smelled of something strong-I didn't know what, but it made me dizzy somehow. No wait-is it alcohol? Tristan put his hand on my lower back and pressed me clo ser. My mind was whirling. Part of me wanted to push him away but part of me wan ted nothing more than for him to stay.

My breath came in short, rapid gasps that left me nauseated when he pulled himse lf away.

"Sometimes, I come to the point of dying just to be him... you know that?" He sa id, panting. Sweat kept on streaming down his face. "It's fucking messed up, isn 't it Kylie?"

"Tristan... are you drunk?" I whispered in shock.

"No, no. Don't try to change the subject, Kylie." He hiccupped and heaved a sigh . His eyes were moist and bloodshot as if he was going to cry.

I ripped my gaze off him. I didn't want to see his face.

"You're pushing me away again," he said. "If-if that's what you really want... i f that's what makes you happy, then I think there's nothing I could do but to fo llow what you said."

I looked back to him.

"I'll let go, Kylie," he said and clenched his jaw. He started to take small ste ps back. "But before I walk out, I just want to let you know that everything I s aid to you was real. I love you, Kylie. I undeniably, helplessly do. And I don't know what else to do to make you believe me."

My hand flew to my mouth as I watched Tristan climbed down the window. Tears fin ally trickled out of my eyes. I collapsed on my bed-all of my energy had been dr ained. I just wanted to roll over and sleep.

Why am I such an idiot for letting that happen? Just... just what am I doing?